It worked for me last time.

[stungunbilly]

I'm not so cranky in the pants today, I'm sure everybody will be happy to know!

There are some writers out there who can make me so happy at times, it's wicked. Everyone should read jasmasson's latest-but-one, "Cold", because I'm developing one of those scary crushes on her writing. She just hits all the right notes for me, whatever story she's telling. I adore her Dean, and he adores her Sam, and he adores Dean like he just really does in canon, in that way where Dean's obnoxious behaviors drive him so crazy, but he can't help forgiving him every five seconds because he's Dean. And Dean just keeps summing up Sam's entire meaningful inner existence with "whiny" and telling himself stories about how Dean always knows best and everything he doesn't want to admit to is Sammy's fault. But then he really just wants Sam to think he's cool again more than anything in the whole world, because when he was little, Sam made him feel like a superhero. And Sam secretly  still thinks Dean is a superhero, just more Bruce Campbell than Bruce Willis.  Or, okay. Some of that *might* just be my interpretation.
/babbling squeebubble

But there are all these stories that I want to read, but haven't found yet.

ETA: In my defense, I was on insane amounts of sugar and caffeine when I wrote this yesterday, and also I didn't get the toys I really wanted as a child (*see note below). And furthermore, there isn't even any mpreg in this list, which, you know, there would be in some lists. Probably.

Though, yeah. I actually would really read all these if the magic internets made them for me.

*I always got, like, dolls. And I really wanted magic rocks, and a chemistry set, and a hot air balloon, and a pony.

10 stories for which I yearn, socially unacceptable cw_rps/spn version

1. More fat Jensen stories! Please, please, universe, give me the one wherein Jensen starts his middle-aged spread early. And Jared just totally doesn't get it, won't stop bringing over beer and cake, eating giant Costco bags of Doritos and steak and fries. Then he kind of lectures Jensen a little, like, don't you realize this could affect your career? But hey, I don't really care, be yourself, but it's really easy to lose weight if you just work out more. So Jensen's ready to kill him, and crankily on hiatus anyway, and also feels defiant. So he gets pretty chunky, and then it's really weird, because Jensen's feeling a little ashamed, and ready to hire a trainer. But Jared is just kind of touching him all the time. Like, in *that* way. Which is weird, yes, but Jensen's spent TWO YEARS coming on to him subtly, showing off his body, blinking slowly, pretty much everything a Jensen can do, with no reaction. And now, of course, he doesn't know if he really wants to be naked with anyone, he's got his pride. But Jared finally just *pins* him and *gropes* him on his barcalounger, and enough's enough, Jensen's fat, not *dead*. There's a freaky moment amongst freaky moments when Jared actually fondles his incipient man-breasts, but mostly the sex goes astoundingly well, considering Jared's previous straightness. And then Jensen finds a workout program that is effective for him, and he's got a movie that needs him thin. Angst! Will Jared still want him? Nobody is sure, but there's still a spark after all. And after the movie, they go to stay in San Antonio and Jared's mom makes him a happy man by fattening up his beloved. Jensen now joins the ranks of the yo-yo dieters, but also gets daily sex and is content. ( And really, how perfect is a Padalecki with a hardon for chub? Serously. And plump!Jensen makes me googly inside.)
   
2. The one which has Jared become a devotee of Scientology, after sleeping with Tom Cruise and getting brainwashed. Jensen gets totally wigged out by the crap coming out of Jared's admittedly attractive mouth, and finally, after an incident involving Tom Cruise showing up at one of their interviews and threatening Kripke with a lawsuit, becomes desperate. He hires some questionable thugs to kidnap Jared to be reprogrammed. (He read too much history on Patty Hearst and also all the books on Moonies and Krishnas he could find, further terrifying himself.) It all goes wrong, and Jared tries to convince him to become a Scientologist while they are on the run (Jared still tied up), with Tom Cruise's goons in pursuit.  After rousing adventures in the Canadian countryside (read: snow), they end up holed up in a Canadian shack. I think the rest can be easily surmised.
3. Or, oh! Jensen's a kept man, and Jared's a homeless person. Jared has these two dogs, and everytime Jensen goes on his run through the park, he encounters these two really sad looking dogs, who give him big eyes that haunt him horribly during his fitness regime, his therapy session, his acting lessons: everywhere he goes, until he starts bringing them snacks. But when he does, they whuff and grab them and lick his hands, then run away. As we know, being semi-omniscient, Jared's trained them to get food for them all, and watches the whole thing from a pretty sweet treehouse he inherited from his mentor, street king Jeff Morgan. Jared's essentially the heir to this whole tribe of nomadic moochers who roam the Pacific Northwest and foray into California and sometimes as far south as Mexico. He's never found anything in his life worth settling down in an actual house for, or even worth bathing more than twice a month. But then he sees Jensen. Before long, Jensen's life will be changed forever, and Jared will almost certainly have shaved for perhaps the first time.
   This story, of course, plays with the trope of the Elf King spying a mortal beauty and sweeping him/her away to the land of the faerie, but with homeless people as the elves. Cliche? Possibly, but really. Metaphorical elves. How can that be wrong?
   
4. The one which totally upsets Anne McCaffrey. Sam and Dean are brothers, but their dragons aren't. (Also, Sam's dragon is Gold, and the Weyr Queen. How much does Bronze Rider Dean laugh about that? Answer: too much for his own good, since Sam's dragon is bigger.)
   
5. Hemorrhoids! Yay! I want a story in which Jared is the bottom because Jensen gets hemorrhoids and doesn't want Jared to find out. Or, it could be the other way, and Jensen bottoms since Jared's got butt problems, because I'm good like that. What? No, I mean it. Want.
   
6. Oh, yeah, I forgot about the time Sam was lost in the woods at two, and raised by wolves. One day, Dean (funnily enough, wearing a red jacket) is travelling in a heavily wooded area of New England, tracking reports of missing children. When he comes upon a little cabin, he knows enough to draw his gun before he enters. Inside, a tall man with shaggy hair has just finished chopping up something fanged in a bonnet with an axe, while a little girl cowers in the corner. He and the shaggy guy find they have a lot in common, and they team up, though Dean insists on utensils in diners and Sam retaliates by, um. Giving him a licking.
   
7. Sam is kidnapped by space pirates! He ends up defeating their leader in unarmed combat, and becomes a space pirate captain. It's a good life, if a bit demanding. He heads the ship for Earth as soon as he's pirated enough supplies.  Dean spends two years trying to find a ride off planet, only to be picked up by dastardly space marauders. They keep him alive as a pet, since they are about twelve feet tall and find him really cute. He tolerates this for about a week, and then is ready to jump out into space to avoid being patted on the head just one more time. But fortunately his ship is attacked by Sam's terrifying band of scurvy scallawags, so it ends up okay. Though Dean *really* has issues with being a cabin boy."You look good in the leggings" is not accepted as a justification.
   
8. Dean accidentally takes over for Peter Pan and is robbed of his memories and about sixteen years, give or take six months. Sam is also sucked into the spell as his resident fairy-in-a-jar, which wow. He really hates. The Lost Boys are endearing, though. Once they break the spell at last (difficult since Sam can't really talk and Dean flirts with a pirate captain, half a dozen mermaids, and a few Indian braves per day, in spite of being *twelve*), there are a few lasting effects. Neither of them seem to age at a normal rate anymore. Dean looks about eighteen, though his memories are at least intact. And poor Sam can't stop sprinkling pixie dust when he's excited. (In the slashier sequel, Sam also glows during sex, which Dean enjoys a whole lot.)
   
9. Jensen's a small-time dealer in L.A. since his career went south, and Jared's a surfing champion who needs to be blissed out to maximize his wave form. When much bigger-league dealers use Jared's board to store heroine, Jared heads right to Jensen's to smoke up and try to get the right head on for figuring out why his balance is off. They've begun bonding, and share a bag of 'shrooms to "attain cosmic resonance", as Jared puts it. A sudden stoned insight has Jensen checking out Jared's board for damage, and he finds the drugs. Then scary guys bust in and grab Jensen threateningly. Jared, though, has his Zen on, and knocks out both of them at once in an awesome surfboard combat move. Even though he's never been in a fight before in his life. The two of them bond further, and decide (after leaving the goons tied up on the beach with the drugs) that clearly they need to have sex to *really* unite their energies. It works out so well that Jensen joins Jared when he leaves on a world championship tour. Which is lucky, since Jensen isn't home when the scary drug guys go back for revenge. Maybe the universe really does like the Js as much as Jared thinks it does.
10. The one where Chad Michael Murray is the crappiest FBI agent ever. He brings all his cases to his best friends from college, local theater performers Jensen and Jared. They solve the crimes, give Chad the credit, and perform Shakespeare, because they are just that awesome.