the stars like dust

I keep learning things, and it's taking up my spare time. Which there is never all that much of, anyway. But!
I am a glutton for blandishments, so please, help me fail to get Important Things done by telling me exactly which emo!punk!thrasher!glam!cabaret!boys are sleeping with other eptgc!boys. And why drummers are the natural caretakers in bands that aren't Hard Core Logo, and also who I must never, never make sleep with whom in any hypothetical stories which I am not allowed to write.
I need to be educated properly, as I am still young in the Force.

Bandish Learnings, Part Something, by stungunbilly

• Gerard Way has married a woman who is, basically, Frank Iero.
  
• The best interviews keep disappearing off of Youtube. I can't find the one where Frank tells Gerard he slept naked with him. It's very sad for me.
• Mikey Way is growing quite tall, in emo terms. Will Pete Wentz still canoodle with him?
• Patrick Stump is the new Timbaland of the (we don't label it) emo scene.
• Gabriel Whatsit of Cobra Starship is almost as sarcastic as Patrick, but he doesn't deadpan as well.
• Brendon Urie is a recovered Mormon. No wonder he can't stop cuddling Ryan Ross. And he also had to move out of his house when he told his parents he was going to pursue music, according to him. I wonder if that's exactly what happened.
  
• Andy Hurley is very pre-possessing, in an extremely dorky way. His speech is in no way a match for his appearance, and wow! It's so charming.
• Pete Wentz is one of us. Except richer, less educated, and more likely to win awards in People magazine.
  
• William Beckett may have kissed as many emo boys as Pete. Though, probably not.
  
• Being emo doesn't make dating underage kids any more attractive in a man.
• Patrick Stump is Pete Wentz' fairy godmotherfatherperson.
• Joe Trohman is adorably random. And would totally appreciate some of my favorite things, like meercats, manatees, and fruitbats.
• Frank Iero must get incredibly irritating to be stuck in a bus with.
• The monkey theme in vids just doesn't get old.
• Bisexuality is still invisible, even with emo kids macking on each other and getting married. They are trying, though.
  
• The publicity machine around Fueled By Ramen, Island Records, and Decaydance is terrifyingly adept.
• Product plugs don't get less unattractive to me when done by queer kids, although most other things do.
• David Bowie must be turning in his grave tripping out on this whole phenomenon. I keep hearing Ewan McGregor (as Curt Wild in Velvet Goldmine) talking about the fad of bisexuality and the need to "make love in a gay style".
  
• This is only the beginning.
• Lance is calling Justin out.
• Freddie Mercury, as a performer, completely deserves all of the adoration some of the bandboys give him. I think I'l go listen to Under Pressure again. And be amused that it was the subject of copyright litigation.

Questions for Further Study:

• How much influence are these kids having in the red states?
  
• Where can I get a plushie Patrick Stump?
• Why won't Bob Bryar make out with Ray in an interview? Because that would be pleasing.
• Could a similarly fun fandom be generated around genuinely Indie bands? No corporate sponsorship, no fast food plugs, etc.? Because that would be amazing.
  
• Has Justin Timberlake responded to Lance's oh-so-public gauntlet smack/throw?
  
• Why haven't I seen any Killers slash?