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Dear John Stewart and Stephen Colbert,
The two of you between you have probably saved my sanity. (If you've ever been Call of Chthulhu gamers, I'm talking something like +30% SAN over the last few years.) Every time something happened involving extreme stupidity in the executive branch of our nation, I've been able to count on the two of you saying snarky, cutting things, and pointing out the hypocrisy and foolishness without sacrificing a sense of humor. You've called the President names when it was needed, and saved me from doing so in ways I'd have been distressed about later. You've been bleeped and censored without losing point one of your frank message, you've interviewed awesome feminists and smart people and cut no slack to the so-called 'Fair and Balanced' propaganda machine of Rupert Murdoch, and made me believe that there were many smart, savvy people out there taking note of the grotesque behavior of our so-called government.
If I am not a lunatic raving in the staff room at work, if I still wash myself and leave the shopping cart at the market, you've been at least partially responsible. I haven't moved to Canada, shaved my head and joined the Moonies, or written hysterical letters to evil blonde pundits, and I owe you for that. (Though Canada is still beckoning in the distance, serene, Mountie-filled, and waving the possibility of reliable health care.) I am grateful in a way that I'll probably still feel when I'm a tottering oldster waving a cane and shouting about the glory days when late night shows were still funny.
I do, however, have a bone to pick with you. A small bone, honestly, a tiny finger bone, but. Nevertheless.
Why don't you appear on each other's shows any more? The two of you are so cute! I would really like the opportunity to imagine you are having a wild and crazy homosexual affair, but I need material to spark the imagination. So please, consider going on vacation together and posting pictures on the internet, let rumors of backyard barbeques abound, along with "candid" shots captured by well-paid "paparazzi", share an interview with the editor of Out Magazine, do a crossover wearing all pink and sparkles!
I admit, I suspect both of you of being happily married to women. I even suspect that you are more likely to be bisexual than gay, if not the rare completely heterosexual person. It's the lack of fear you show about being thought queer, and the lack of heat in your playful leering at men. But that shouldn't hold you back from planting the seeds of what could be the hottest of all RPS fandoms!
So show us some skin, brothers. And consider an occasional manly hug and smooch. Because you're both far too pretty not to be sexed up and down this fine internet of ours.
With immense gratitude and a little bit of lecherousness,
stungunbilly
The two of you between you have probably saved my sanity. (If you've ever been Call of Chthulhu gamers, I'm talking something like +30% SAN over the last few years.) Every time something happened involving extreme stupidity in the executive branch of our nation, I've been able to count on the two of you saying snarky, cutting things, and pointing out the hypocrisy and foolishness without sacrificing a sense of humor. You've called the President names when it was needed, and saved me from doing so in ways I'd have been distressed about later. You've been bleeped and censored without losing point one of your frank message, you've interviewed awesome feminists and smart people and cut no slack to the so-called 'Fair and Balanced' propaganda machine of Rupert Murdoch, and made me believe that there were many smart, savvy people out there taking note of the grotesque behavior of our so-called government.
If I am not a lunatic raving in the staff room at work, if I still wash myself and leave the shopping cart at the market, you've been at least partially responsible. I haven't moved to Canada, shaved my head and joined the Moonies, or written hysterical letters to evil blonde pundits, and I owe you for that. (Though Canada is still beckoning in the distance, serene, Mountie-filled, and waving the possibility of reliable health care.) I am grateful in a way that I'll probably still feel when I'm a tottering oldster waving a cane and shouting about the glory days when late night shows were still funny.
I do, however, have a bone to pick with you. A small bone, honestly, a tiny finger bone, but. Nevertheless.
Why don't you appear on each other's shows any more? The two of you are so cute! I would really like the opportunity to imagine you are having a wild and crazy homosexual affair, but I need material to spark the imagination. So please, consider going on vacation together and posting pictures on the internet, let rumors of backyard barbeques abound, along with "candid" shots captured by well-paid "paparazzi", share an interview with the editor of Out Magazine, do a crossover wearing all pink and sparkles!
I admit, I suspect both of you of being happily married to women. I even suspect that you are more likely to be bisexual than gay, if not the rare completely heterosexual person. It's the lack of fear you show about being thought queer, and the lack of heat in your playful leering at men. But that shouldn't hold you back from planting the seeds of what could be the hottest of all RPS fandoms!
So show us some skin, brothers. And consider an occasional manly hug and smooch. Because you're both far too pretty not to be sexed up and down this fine internet of ours.
With immense gratitude and a little bit of lecherousness,
stungunbilly