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So I’ve been dwelling on Stargate: Atlantis, the way you do. And sometimes it’s all alien peoples with amusing Sheppard-kidnapping agendas, and then others it’s Ronon and Teyla bitch-slapping each other like high-spirited punks, or cool-looking ships zooming around really fast against pretty planets. And then it’s porny scenes of Rodney giving Sheppard blowjobs against bulkheads at completely inappropriate times, or, wait, no, that wasn’t actually in the show. But the rest was. Because it is the fandom of crack, I’m sorry, but it is.
No, it is the thing that crack smokes. The “crack” of crack. Though it is true that they haven’t encountered any tropical paradises with polar bears yet, it is bound to happen in the endless realm that is Canada- erm, the Pegasus Galaxy. Proof? Rodney McKay has never been treated as a valuable hostage. At all. Even by people he instructed in building bombs. Please, Kolya would be offering him daily sex and a whirl-pool bath in any real universe, if he’d only share his amazing technical knowledge. Instead, in the “real” SGA ‘verse he gets him to solve a puzzle and acts like afterwards he is going to kill him. Rodney, in a real Pegasus Galaxy, would be a valuable commodity to such a degree that they’d have bodyguards on him in the labs at all times, and hey, that’s kind of a cool idea. But I digress.
So, complete nonsense, with lots of pretty whooshy things and neat people you like and wacky, wacky aliens. Fun!
Still, you dwell on it. And you think about aspects of it seriously and you laugh, so, so hard. Or complain, which can be great times, or think up even weirder things you’d make them all do. Like the afore-mentioned blowjobs, or Ronon courting Rodney by dyeing his dreads blond and bringing him donuts, or Teyla firmly requesting sex from all the guys in order to impregnate herself with really good genes. While still, of course, allowing the sperms of the three donors a shot at besting each other in order to express the survival of the fittest thing she so easily intuits. She will give the baby to a needy couple, and before that it will be grown in a mug, but she heard Rodney say he could do that with that new device they found and is now determined to have a child.
Oh, and she has to marry the one whose sperm wins, but in name only so that the child will be the legitimate leader of the Athosians, with the Wraith gene and everything. And Sheppard and Rodney are sleeping together, but they have a fight over who has the most virile sperm and so agree. Ronon, of course, has been down with it since the first time he saw Teyla. He smirks at Mc and Shep and fires up their manly competitive drives, and things get complicated when Teyla falls for one of them but won’t say who, and they spy on each other to see who is best in bed. Leading to gay sex, but I’m digressing again.
Other people are thinking this way too, independently but at the same time, and writing stories and posting their thoughts, and many of these people are brilliant writers. Things ramp up in your mind, and you want to write very sincere stories about Ford and his band of merry men, and the ache of being isolated from your team/family. And then you watch episode 215 The Tower and you laugh and laugh and remember, hey! Not much I can write seems terribly impossible, in this place.
Finally you skip a bunch of other things because it’s late and you only had ten minutes, but you just want to say that, oh noes! You are reading tons of SG:A stories and obsessing and collecting cast photos and the show! Is insane! But you still love the collective universe, and maybe have a horrible crush on Rodney even though you couldn’t stand him at first.
Which is all to say that I fear I have another serious fandom, though I’m insisting we have an open relationship, and definitely will not be writing in it. Definitely.
For which you can all thank me with porn.
